Holiday Ease
The holiday season is upon us; there are a thousand things to do and buy, people to visit, and now there are invitations to in-person gatherings too! Introduce a little one to the lack of familiarity, the upheaval of routine, and general overall excitement, and let's see how we all fair.
Never fear, everything is figureoutable!
While I certainly don't have all the answers, I can offer a few ideas to help you get creative and maybe make it through the holidays with a little less stress and a little more ease.
• Say no. Say no to some (all?) of the invitations. For the record, using your little one as an excuse to get out of anything during the holidays is totally acceptable! It is reasonable to say no due to the case increase in concerning viruses that are particularly dangerous for infants and small children. No one wants to miss out on the festivities, and video chats have lost their sparkle, but at least it means we can connect in some capacity while staying healthy. Get yourself some festive snacks and beverages, and visit virtually. You can even stay in your pyjamas!
• Set boundaries. If you must or want to attend events, set your boundaries and expectations of others before the event. Let your favourite people know that you’re really excited to see them but that your new tiny human is vulnerable, and new parenthood is exhausting! Send out a quick email to let others know if you would like them to take a rapid test and let you know of any symptoms of flu & RSV before you gather (this is an entirely realistic expectation!) Would you like people to wear masks or keep their distance? Let loved ones know you may need frequent breaks to feed and rest with your baby.
• Be kind to yourself and try not to overbook yourself - one event/ visitor in a day is plenty! There were a few years when my partner and I would try to visit both sides of the family in one day! Our families live 20 minutes from each other but are quite far from us, and we would hit one up in the morning and one in the afternoon. It was awful, exhausting and unrealistic!
• Make a plan for lack of routine. If you must travel, plan your travelling and visiting with the baby's eating and sleeping in mind. Leave extra time on road trips for pit stops to feed the baby and bring snacks for older children and yourselves. Some babies and children love car rides, and it puts them right to sleep - plan for car naps! Other littles hate the car and scream the whole way. Try to leave during a wakeful time, pack distractions for them and sit in the back seat with them if you can - hopefully, they'll nap during a pit stop or once you've arrived. Maybe you can take the train or a bus and wear your little one in a carrier during the ride? (plane travel is worth a blog on its own!)
• On that note - use a carrier. A carrier gives you hands-free time while still meeting your child's needs! It's usually comforting and familiar and can allow partners to share comforting duties. It's also more likely to keep unwanted hands off your little person. Germs are one concern, but well-meaning relatives and their helping hands taking the baby for long periods can cause engorgement if you're bodyfeeding, which increases your risk for Mastitis. Please, feel free to whip it out and feed your baby anytime, right in the middle of a gathering, if you need! Keeping your little one close is a comfort measure for parents and children. Toddlers and preschoolers can enjoy this closeness, too - plenty of toddler-size carrier options are available.
• Decide how to respond to others' opinions. Everyone has an opinion, and there's nothing worse than feeling flustered and at a loss for words. You may want to come up with a few one-liners before you arrive. If you suspect they are not interested in a conversation, a simple "Thanks for that idea." or "That sounds like an interesting idea. This is working for us right now. I love how different approaches work well for different families", may work. While you never need to explain yourself, some people may be genuinely interested, and you could end up having a great discussion with a "we're choosing to do X because of Y…" response. If you've got a great response, share it with me! #ittakesavillage
• Make sure you've got an exit strategy. Whether you have people in your own home or you're out visiting, you need an exit plan! It's so easy for you or your babe to get overstimulated and refuse to eat, sleep or settle. Set up a quiet space for escaping during a gathering (yes, even at other people's places!), and don't be afraid to spend the whole time there if you or your baby need it. Excuse yourself and feed your baby or take a nap with them. The party will continue until you're ready to return! Set a time limit for your stay- calling it sooner rather than later is always a good idea. Or how about a code word to let your partner know you're ready to go?!
• Fighting with sleep. Staying the night, or several, away from home? Parenting your child to sleep will likely get everyone more sleep and cause less stress. No one likes being alone and afraid in an unfamiliar place, so why fight that battle? Snuggle in, sing songs, dance, rock, or nurse your little one to sleep and know that eventually, you'll all be home and back into your rhythm.
It's not gonna be perfect, and it might not even be pretty, but setting some boundaries and realistic expectations might make things more enjoyable.
Take care of yourselves & enjoy the holidays!
